CONSCIOUS UNCOUPLING
Mindfulness Makes the Difference. Consciously uncouple and build a solid foundation for the next chapter.
Conscious Uncoupling
The ending of a romantic relationship is an extraordinarily painful event. Whether you’ve been dating for a year, or married for thirty, you may be overcome with feelings of grief, anger, or confusion. It's hard for everyone involved. The mourning is not only for that person but all your plans for the future.
The conversations leading to the decision to uncouple and first months after that decision tend to be very difficult and are likely to overwhelm you with thoughts and feelings. It is important during this time to get support not just from family and friends, since you may have a lot of hurt to process, but a qualified therapist.
Even if you and your ex are able to harvest a really good friendship with commitment & work. Your family & and friends will not unhear what you say in the heat of the moment when the ending is fresh.
Take pause to work together with a counselor. It is incredibly meaningful to everyone around you if you can salvage a friendship and be kind & and compassionate with each other as you come out the other side modeling an inspiring collaboration and eventually friendship.
Conscious-Uncoupling is a Process That Invites You to:
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Notice how you react to endings in general
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Get clear on the boundaries that need to be put in place
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Be there for one another
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Make room for lingering emotions that need to be digested
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Negotiate how (and if) you want to be in each other's life moving forward
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Summarize the story of the relationship & give the ending meaning
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Go over the strengths of the relationship and what are the takeaways
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See each other off to the next chapter of your lives with kindness
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Work towards a friendship that can be as involved as you wish
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Find closure at your own pace
WHEN MARRIAGE IS PART OF THE CONVERSATION...
The institution of marriage has been around for a very long time and has meant very different things throughout history. It has evolved from a means of survival, strategic family mergers, and/or religious obligation more to a paradigm based on the notion of romantic love. The notion of romantic love is relatively new historically speaking and at most has been practiced for about 100 years. In the 21st century, the stakes of marriage are at an all-time high, and so are the rates of divorce. Our life expectancy has dramatically increased as well. And whereas people used to get married for relatively straightforward reasons and lived together for a handful of decades before passing away, we are now looking at a very different landscape for lifelong partnerships that can last up to 6 decades — a long time to spend with one person.
Furthermore, with smaller salaries and changing gender roles, there can be a lot of tension as couples are usually both participating in the workforce to make ends meet and yet battling old messages about what is expected of men and women in the household. While divorce rates have gone down since 2016 they still affect about 4 in every 10 marriages. You are not alone, and it is important to remember that endings can bring up a whole host of feelings all of which are workable with time, as is your love life.
"Our gridlocked conflicts contain the potential for great intimacy between us. But we have to feel safe enough to pull our dreams out of the closet. When we wear them, our partner may glimpse how beautiful we are—fragile but shimmering. Then, with understanding, our partners may join us in being dream catchers, rather than dream shredders"
– John M. Gottman
